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about

i find that it feels so much safer to stay hurting- to keep yourself in the security of your sadness.

after a really rough night, i found myself standing in the bathroom, debating on whether or not i wanted to wash my face and brush my teeth. i knew they would help make me feel better, yet i felt so averse to it. why was i so indecisive about this?

you don't realize how safe the sadness feels until you're in it. but remember: the siren song is more of a death knell than anything.

lyrics

there is an allure to my sadness,
finding home and solace in a space that holds spikes

a siren song for my heavy heart,
she draws me in with a warmth to impart

she lays me gently down and she sings softly to me
“it's warm here, it's quiet here, it's safe here- it's home”

warm quilt, soft words, quiet peace. is this not home?

lulled into docility, i lie quietly as she draws my heart into her mouth
she’s slow with me, she's tender with me; is that not love?
she loves me, she cares for me, she sinks her teeth into me

“sh, sh, sh” she croons as i jolt with a start- screaming from the pain of a now devoured heart
“itll ease soon..itll ease fast” she strokes my face - her gentleness unsurpassed
is this love? is this love? (is this love? is this love?)

“it's warm here! it's soft here!! it's safe here!!! it's home!!!!”
bloody quilt, sharp words, broken peace - pure terror

i rage and i thrash, i break free from her hold
i softly snatch the heart she sought to swallow — its mine.

its time i create my own peace
its time i create my own home
its time i reclaim my heart
its time i reclaim my soul

there was an allure to the sadness,
finding home and solace in a space that holds spikes

a siren song for my hurting heart,
she drew me in to break me apart
but i can sing louder than she can
and now i sing louder than she
i’ve reclaimed my heart and built my own home

credits

from princesa mariposa, released April 14, 2019
written 3/19/19 at 13:13

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jasmine mariposa Atlanta, Georgia

my heart my heart my heart my heart

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